wings grow restless

"wings grow restless" sounds quite lyrical... which probably means its the beginning of this song.

I have to say in the last year i have gone through various things, horrible breakups, rebounds, complacency in work and school work, a family members battle with a disease, folded in with the bad news of a slippery economy. These sound like bad things, and they are. There are a few good things of which have great value to me.... My artwork has grown enormously in conceptual progress but also craft and I feel my style is coming into its own. It's really neat to watch. And know that when I work on something at school for 12 hrs a day....it pays off! I have been inspired by a few of my classmates to think higher in the sense that I am capable of selling my work, and really calling "artist" my profession and not "designer" don't get me wrong. I go back in forth between "art" and "design" and I am honestly torn. My teacher recommended I "need to pick one." I can't. I think he's wrong. 

anyways thats getting sidetracked, The point is lately complacent seems like a fitting word for me. I love school, and my friends and family. Thats not it. My job on the other hand, I do go back and forth on also. I feel so stuck in this job I hate it. I have been looking for new jobs all the time, but the jobs i do apply for, so do a handful of other people. As an employer you really have your pick of the hand. and that sucks for me.  I want to know that there are places in this world that are succeeding better than the state of michigan. 

thats incredibly selfish. I have a job. I need to be thankful. I need to stop spending. But thats not realistic. what is realistic is not going to rockwells so much and spending $30 in one night. UGh bad choices.

So basically I am trying to not stay complacent in the meantime of having days off...I try making things i haven't made before like shoes, necklaces and tanktops (my own fashion line debuting this june!) hahaha. But i need to work on some projects for some people that need dressers and tables and other things they think i might be qualified for.... ugh the battle between creating to create and evolve vs. the ability to make cheeky things for other people and get a little money from it.

IN other news.. What should I do for my bday? cookout? obviously bars....ideas anyone?

"Garage Sale! 9737 52nd ave. Power tools, kids clothes, quality housewares and toys..."

because my dad has been sick on and off, he is off work until august as doctors orders.

my parents now spend lots of time together (like they're retired...) and for fun they have been checking out garage sales.

they really aren't as old as this makes them sound. However in all their "adventures and finds" i am annoyed. Their new hobby has spiraled me into rage.

I hate garage sales.

there. i said it. before you tell me how you can find great deals on vintage finds and new add-ons for your diy projects let me tell you something:

Growing up with a dutch grandmother, who herself grew up during the great depression...and also playing favorites with her children and grand children.....(I not making the cut)

for Christmas I would get "gifts" from rummage and garage sales. While my cousins would get giormous lego sets, and abercrombie clothes. Meanwhile i got to play with a "vintage" play sink from the 1970's. an play ironing board that cost under $10 and books about the jungle doctor.

So maybe this inspires jealousy, in which i do not deny. let me point out another fact.

dear grandma would periodically give us bags of clothes from these great sales. fashions of great they were not, and sadly i would wear them. If you don't believe me look at my elementary school pictures. however, we didn't have much money growing up, handouts were nice even if they were of poor fashion.

To top that my family and I went through another period of garage saleing. looking in papers and following signs, knowing the dandelion parade and tulip time would mean subdivisions would be selling in mass. Cars lined up for miles all to scour a deal. I still see metal brass beds and light pink and teal my little ponies with those octagonal tv/side tables popping into my head. SICK! ( and the people you bump into and the ones that are selling their possessions deserve a ranting post on their own)

So while i am revisiting these events in my life I think to my current position. I like nice things. My mother says i have expensive tastes, which I'd like to think is true. However I work my ass off for the things I have. I stay away from garage sales. I know they are part of my past and I can appreciate them to a degree. I have no problem with goodwill or specialty vintage clothing stores. Thats cool to a point. Garage sales just ring in an inner-angst i cannot see past. They remind me of a social status I want to not be. 

So before you go running around in your tacky almost vintage clothing telling everyone you are indie, and you are rad, shut the fuck up. Growing up lower middle class the last thing you want to be dressed in are things that don't remind you of your status every damn day.

 does that make sense? if you have further questions of social systems i'd be happy to tell you why the poorest people dress the nicest have the worst homes and drive escalades if you want my two cents.

thank you for this public message opportunity

trainwreck

i am such a hot mess.

well, an emotional mess. I have 2 weeks left till summer pretty much. THings are amping up and i am burning out. I am tired, stressed and really sick. My body is against me.

On top of that i keep running

i keep chasing.

something i can never catch.

sometimes i get so close, so close to getting to know him more and then i don't see him for 3 weeks.

why?

of course i want this more then. its so frustrating b/c in the mean time i sit here in the mean time thinking i am annoying and he hates me. that can't be true either b/c when we meet up, it's great. I just don't want to loose an opportunity.  this summer i want to keep my foot in that door. but how? i don't want to wait to long so that it becomes awkward. 

my eyes meet mine and i see yours smile back at me. it's good to see you again, can we hang out? take a slow drive with me and tell me about yourself.

help

I need a summer job.

my hours got cut to like 7 hrs a week. Not. Even. Worth. It.

I am thinking about moving out of state this summer for potential possibilities. Please let me know if you know of anything, anyone or have any ideas.

thanks

love 

krystle

Lately I am really happy

the weather is really really nice...

and today:

I worked on our project and gave our presentation at hayworth. They LOVED IT! They didn't have any comments really, but one lady said sarcastically : "can you guys work here?" It was awesome to hear! Our project really did look great compared to our class mates. I am really excited how interior design has been going for me lately. (Last year My teacher kept one of my projects for an accreditation this year...and this semester, my other teacher is keeping another one of my projects. I always felt like my stuff sucked compared to other people's. Its kinda nice to be recognized on top of today's comments, I think I can do this stuff!)

Second I went back to school and worked on my functional art project. of course I talked to Cory (and i felt myself turning bright red, it was soooo embarrassing....oh well. at least he feels he can still talk to me...haha.) And then I flirted with Dustin (the original wood worker guy i fell in love with in the basement. muhahaha) But overall, I am getting a long ways on my light and I am going to be ecstatic when I can install it somewhere around schooL! My second project will be fiberglass shelves to hang on your wall, shaped like stingrays. I am working with the concept of migration and movement on this one. (The light is soundwaves, and movements)

This weekend was phenomenal too. I got to go to Chicago and collaborate antics with Jillian. I miss laughing that hard all the time and analyzing things to death. Sun. Night I hung out with Rob and Katelyn, mikey and Jason. Sounds crappy, but it was a lot of fun. Got some drinks. drove to holland with music cranked like old times and then more drinks then home. Late night. but worthwhile.

I wish you all great vibes coming your way. Later!

Goals

In the near and or distant future, this is where my mind has been going.

little things, big things, abstract ideas:

-Pay off my bank of america credit card and cancel it

-Keep helping Joni with her house and build report with her friends enough to add up as a second summer job

-Grow a relationship with Cory, slowly, and have it turn into something great, deep and long lasting

-loose weight in my arms, stomach, tone my behind

-find a second summer job

-get all my projects at school done and kick ass doing it, but most of all focusing.

-travel somewhere cool this summer, like nashville or vegas or something

-sell some of my artwork

-learn how to smock

-have time to breathe and relax every now and then

-clean and finish painting my room

-move out on my own for good, hopefully this fall, given the second summer job thing...

-get better grades 

-try vegetarianism or veganism

-be happier

whirlwind

let me pitch my weekend to you:

Friday:

I had class until 3 then work at 4:30 I stopped down in the basement to flirt with cory (I mean work on my project) Sean called and was downtown so I gave him a mini tour of kcad. Fun.

After work I stopped over at lindsay's bf's appt. to hang out. pretty clean ole' fun and semi awkward. haha 

Sat. worked till 6. 

Katelyn and her old roomate from this summer called and said they were going out for drinks and invited me. this sounds more like it. So We get in Amy's car and start driving to gr. this girl is so typical i can't even explain it. totally rich preppy and typically boring. (whoops)

But She is drinking out of a nalgine bottle filled with what she tells us is like 5 inches of vodka mixed with cranberry juice. Never been in this experience before, most of my friends don't flirt with death that much. I was kind of scared cuz she was sucking it down all the way down to gr. I would never trust myself to do that and drive. Bad choices, I don't want her to drive again. Anyways...so we are almost there (Rockwell's (again) b.c Rob works there now) and amy hits the breaks after I am particpating in the nalgine. I get vodka cranberry up my nose and my shirt is white and now ruined.

I was ticked off at this point even tho it's probably half my fault.

So we head to the bathroom and I clean up. Thank goodness for black cardigans.

 We ended up standing on Republic's side by the bar and I didn't get a drink yet bc i am still a little erked and just want to go home. Mean while I am wearing that tan fedora all night. Apparently it gets you some great action. Some guy comes up to me and starts asking me about my hat and who I am so I feed him lines until he meets my friends and offers to buy me a drink. He's my height and not to bad looking, but def. not my type. He ended up sitting down at a table with us and talked with us for a while. He's from Chicago and does IT stuff. He gave me his business card "so the ball was in my court" he said he was 27. He moved back to his group of friends and before we were out the door i saw him flirting it up with another girl at the bar. muhahha. what a sucker. I wonder how much he spends on girl's drinks?

Then we move to Crush where we get some drinks and start dancing. That place is bump and grind central. Totally lame. So I just came to dance and I am moving around like i am drunk at we're at 80's night just to keep the creepers at bay. Many guys liked my hat and tried to grab it from me. (get yourself one... you'll be amazed) I was saucy so I got so sick of guys trying to hump me that I got to pushing guys off me and challenging them to dance offs. Quite a feisty time! I wish you guys could have been there. I was scaring them. I would do that more often if I could.

Then we went home.

Sun. meant work all day and baby/wedding shower at work for some co-workers. ugh. No time for myself which means 

This morning I am skipping class (b.c i have to work tonight again...) blogging and eating a grilled cheese sandwich for b-fast. ahhhh Mondays.....   ;)