I have to say in the last year i have gone through various things, horrible breakups, rebounds, complacency in work and school work, a family members battle with a disease, folded in with the bad news of a slippery economy. These sound like bad things, and they are. There are a few good things of which have great value to me.... My artwork has grown enormously in conceptual progress but also craft and I feel my style is coming into its own. It's really neat to watch. And know that when I work on something at school for 12 hrs a day....it pays off! I have been inspired by a few of my classmates to think higher in the sense that I am capable of selling my work, and really calling "artist" my profession and not "designer" don't get me wrong. I go back in forth between "art" and "design" and I am honestly torn. My teacher recommended I "need to pick one." I can't. I think he's wrong.
anyways thats getting sidetracked, The point is lately complacent seems like a fitting word for me. I love school, and my friends and family. Thats not it. My job on the other hand, I do go back and forth on also. I feel so stuck in this job I hate it. I have been looking for new jobs all the time, but the jobs i do apply for, so do a handful of other people. As an employer you really have your pick of the hand. and that sucks for me. I want to know that there are places in this world that are succeeding better than the state of michigan.
thats incredibly selfish. I have a job. I need to be thankful. I need to stop spending. But thats not realistic. what is realistic is not going to rockwells so much and spending $30 in one night. UGh bad choices.
So basically I am trying to not stay complacent in the meantime of having days off...I try making things i haven't made before like shoes, necklaces and tanktops (my own fashion line debuting this june!) hahaha. But i need to work on some projects for some people that need dressers and tables and other things they think i might be qualified for.... ugh the battle between creating to create and evolve vs. the ability to make cheeky things for other people and get a little money from it.
IN other news.. What should I do for my bday? cookout? obviously bars....ideas anyone?
Your struggle is a very familiar one for me. T.S. Eliot writes "Teach us to care and not to care. Teach us to sit still." I think the meaning of these words has increased for me, as I have learned which things to care about, and which things not to care about. Complacency can be a dangerous thing, but there are indeed some things in life we care too much about.
ReplyDeleteLearning how to "sit still" is necessary for ourselves as human beings. I hope you continue to search and find the place where you are most rested.